There are times when the heart is so heavy that it is good to have a haven of peace where to dump his sufferings ... I choose to pay by my feelings and resentments, to start a new life can be, under better auspices.
There are so many things I still do not understand ... But between understanding and complete ignorance, I do not know what choice is most appropriate. Maybe I'd better stay in total ignorance and let my mind and my soul in peace, away from all these questions that torture me and poison me.
I miss, I can not deny ... My feelings for him are what they are, even if they hurt me, even if they guide my steps towards a nowhere that seems so dark. But I know I have to stand up and put my eyes to a brighter future. I so want to tell him everything, but I have to restrain myself, not only for himself, but above all for me.
I can not change things, or do it again with "if", it would be that self destructive ... Called me masochistic enough without adding on top, although I know it's the very thing that is my essence. Maybe I really like my suffering to the point of wanting to do it? I'll try anything
to make him happy and get and have my share of happiness. Everyone tells me "For your well being, so be a little selfish !"... Being selfish, I do not know how. My happiness comes if I can make others happy ... But there is a lost cause, he would hear more ...
I have to learn to live by and for me ... Do not forget the good times, but learn to live with them without feeling a twinge of regret ... But the road is long, and it will be laborious. But I think I have a strength in me than I suspect not a force that will allow me to move ...
... I have to learn ...
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